Pocket Episode of House

Patient’s Family: “OMG something not good has happened!”

-No Liz Fraser, but hey, it’s Massive Attack so that’s pretty osm-

Cuddy: “House, you’re a dick, but I love you anyway. Here’s a patient who fits your unreasonable standards for interestingness.”

House: “Patient is lying.”

Team: “Uh, no?”

House: “Uh, yes. Break into their house, you’ll see.”

Team: “Wow, they WERE lying! We’ll administer the treatment you recommend.”

Patient: “Yay, all better… oh noez nevermind, I r still dying and now exhibiting a symptom we didn’t have to work with previously!”

Team: “House, you’re a dick but we love you anyway.”

House: dramatic entrance “I shall find out what else the patient is lying about by talking to them very rudely!!”

Patient: “You’re Dr. House, aren’t you? Your reputation precedes you. In fact, I came to this hospital so I could get you.”

House: “You’re done for, sorry. Excuse me, I must now go feel like a failure and take it out on everyone else.”

Team: “But House, you never lose! You can do it!”

Stupid routine case: “I will now say something that sparks a House Moment (TM), in which you suddenly realize how to treat your more confusing patient.”

House: “By Jove, I’ve got it! Team, let’s treat the patient in a very unorthodox and risky manner.”

Cuddy: “OMGWTF?”

Team Member 1: “I dunno, man…”

Team Member 2: “But it’s the only chance he has!!”

Team Member 3, or “the chick”: “Patient’s family member, you need to approve this.”

Patient’s family: “I reluctantly agree!”

Patient: “I’m alive, yay!”

House: “I play music and take pills.”


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